To me, my attachment style is a burden I’ve noticed I bare, every day the older I get. I would call myself a creature of habit, or does my anxiety keep me in a box of comforts and habits?
It feels like I’ve listened to every podcast and read every book entitled the same words, “How To Change Your Anxious Attachment”, but nothing has ever really jumped out or given me an almighty epiphany. Sure, self-realization and getting to the root of the “why’s” is a step in the right direction, but that’s where I’ve felt I’ve been stuck at for years now, not moving forward with it, or making any real progress. A person can know their faults in their self, but without real change, that is only half of the work.
Now I’m absolutely not saying people with an anxious attachment style need to change as if there is a default attachment we’re not living up to. But what I am saying is for me personally, it has caused many problems in my life that I wish I had the ability to control myself over. For anyone with this attachment style, I’m sure they can relate to the agonizing mental torture it can inflict on you. A different tone of voice, a late text, no text at all, someone being too busy for you or someone having an off day can send us into full blown panic mode, an “oh my god, what have I done, what is happening, I have no control over this, I need to know why RIGHT NOW” feeling.
This does give me a lot of clarity on why I find myself getting caught up in toxic relationships and friendships, mostly with avoidant attachments. As long as I’m being slowly drip fed reassurance, thrown crumbs, not indulging but just enough to keep me from starving, I’m usually not going to go anywhere and that’s really hard to admit, I’m cringing at myself.
But why? Why am I like this, why can’t I just be normal and not care? I care far too much. Those are the words that go round and round my head constantly. But its difficult because I know the people close to me would say one of the things they love about me, is that I care. That I will always be there for anyone and always put others before myself.
It’s a bitter sweet thing to have.
Anxious attachments want you to tell them everything’s okay, (even though you just told them yesterday.) Anxious attachments can feel like they’re going crazy sometimes. Anxious attachments are set in their ways just to get through the day. Anxious attachments give them whole selves away. Anxious attachments have inner children just wanting to be held. Anxious attachments love unconditionally.